I KNOW YOU ed 2: How to be single and happy

crown chukwu

This was not what I had expected when he said “hi”.

Being single is a fart you don’t want to smell on some days. Days when the girls you imagined would make you fine bridesmaids someday, are now the ones getting your congratulatory message on their Facebook post.

“It’s one year already fam. Thank you Jesus for giving me such a wonderful hubby.”
Two hunny bunny faces, a defenceless toddler in their middle and that unprecedented stress that Facebook manages to hide.

“Thank you sis”, they respond to my comment.
That Nigerian humility in the suffix “sis”. The conscious effort to want to identify with you. To ensure you don’t feel threatened. I sniff it out almost immediately. The way a rat would easily catch up with crayfish in the kitchen.

Michael D was a fine man, light yellow like the inside of an unripe pawpaw. All witty and bold the first day I saw him. Something this good couldn’t turn out ugly.
“When am I going to see you?” he asked.
Hope leaped into my eyes. It made it twinkle a bit. That giddy feeling that comes with the prospect of a date. First, a scavenger hunt through the wardrobe, flipping through dresses and tumbling over shoes until you match a hot one. Whew!
“When you want to”, I responded.
He started typing his next statement. I could see the notification. My eyes were glued to the screen.

“You will come to my house on Sunday and go back by Monday morning.”

My chin that was slightly tilted to an angle fell fast to form a pout. It registered in the crease of my brow. The earlier anticipation died a natural death. In its place was a fast rising anger that coursed through my veins. All of a sudden, it ratcheted to a dangerous degree. Exactly what a cat must feel like waiting to dive at a rat. What a way to ask someone out on a first date. The vein couldn’t hold it longer than necessary. It shot the venom out of my lips.
“You must be out of your mind” I retorted
Gbam! Before I knew it, he blocked me on whatsapp.
“Good riddance! I muttered and threw my phone away.

But all of that vehemence slowly convened for a meeting. Reason scheduled this emergency melancholy. Pity, compromise, despair and age showed up first.
“Are you sure you were not too harsh? Age is no longer on your side oo. Just be a little patient sometimes who knows? When are we seeing another fine suitor?”

The room swirled. My eyes were heavy. I dragged myself to the foot of the bed and lowered into depression. I had fallen into that hole again. The hole was my whole self. But reason didn’t allow them rattle for long. He called for the meeting, he was going to take the final decision.
“Let him go Crown. He was not meant to stay.”
I didn’t need any further convincing. I reasoned with reason.

There are days that you are going to stay in that hole longer than necessary. I’m talking to you dear single lady friend. I know you. I know you because I wear the same shoe. I know where it hurts. It’s ok to feel this things. It’s ok to be vulnerable, to have that little shade of green envy knock you into a major mood swing. After you have centered your faith, there are two practical ways to ensure you don’t rot in that hole. First;

Breathe: By breathe I mean find your muse. The one thing that gets you started in the morning, by choice or by force. Writing gets me started by choice. My day job gets me up in the morning by force. Depression is no excuse to show up late. Don’t build your life around someone. People leave willingly or by circumstance. Build your life for your purpose and invite someone to visit as a guest. So that when they leave, though you might miss them, you still own your purpose. We need other things to happen in our lives. Things outside relationships. In fact these things fuel attraction and desire. Single, divorced or cheated on, you don’t need to build your entire life around one chapter. We are much more than one identity. So go get a life. When you do, breathe.

Bask in the Sunshine: Now that you have a life, stay positive. Don’t let that ex keep getting to you. If you walked away from a negative, dead beat relationship, you won. It’s their loss. God’s blessings is not always in what he gives but sometimes in what he takes away. If they don’t embrace what you bring to the table let them eat alone. Go out. Have fun. Take a selfie. The flower doesn’t incest about the bee. It blooms,the bee comes. Accept yourself as you are. Sexiness is in your confidence not body type. It’s a state of the mind. They have a way of planting these insecurities in tiny niceties.

“Hey! I just got a job.” I told someone.
“Wow thank God. We’ll soon come and eat rice.” he replied.

I don’t get it, how does that response relate? I had thought to myself. But I have heard worse.

I have had a married man pursue me for weeks with the finesse of a young bachelor and the hope of a future together. I thought my knight in shinning amour had finally come. I was ready to hop onto his horse. The bubble bursted when his single colleague who wanted me for himself let me in on the secret. I ditched the both of them. Lol. Back then, it wasn’t a ‘lol’ case. I was hurt. I fell into the hole again.

When I say I know you, believe me. I have been there with you. I fight everyday for my life. I have began to focus more on my passion. I laugh, I cry, I kiss and love. What if everything I’m going through, is preparing me for everything I asked for? Trust the wait. Welcome the uncertainty. Nobody is writing names of late comers in marriage. It’s all going to make sense someday.