We are all trying.
Theres a part of everything that tries. Plants try to stretch their neck and shoot out of the ground. Animals try to survive. Each scouting for the other in the wild. Humans try to better themselves each day. I think Christianity is the trying part of God constantly reaching out to the trying part of humans. We are not perfect. Expecting perfection from human is like expecting a cheese burger to taste like an applesauce. Some days are really gonna be screwed. You are going to screw yourself even harder some times and somewhere in the whole bleakness you are asking yourself, “am I the one that did this”?
The day was going so well. Yea on the outside. But right inside the walls of my soul, the relay race was on. Thoughts frantically outran worry and is speedily handing over the baton to depression. That is if you could see my soul anyway. Just then, he chatted me. A colleague of mine I’ve not spoken to since after our training school in 2015.
Him —–Crown, long time
The silence started out as a thought. Hush. Then it prolonged. Quietly, it slipped into mystery. There was so much going on in my mind. I wish I could just bare my mind and tell him how my life really is right now. But it just didn’t seem right. “Common Crown just say ‘fine’ and give the dude some credit. At least he was kind enough to check up on you. Nobody is gonna slice you a piece of their vanity for being pitiful any way” That was conscience trying to chide me. Hell no. I’m not in the mood to play by righteous conscience today. “I’m not going to answer “fine”. I retorted. At the other end of the chat, he was beginning to wonder why I haven’t responded. “Dude I’m lost. Looking for the right answer to your question. That’s why”.
Okay. I had another option. The one that pastor Chris teaches us. Power in the positive confessions. Halleluyah. You know his popular line, “I can’t think failure. I cant comprehend failure….”. All the positive vibes from my motivational authors also rushed to instruct me. I remembered Keith Harell’s words in his book, Attitude Is Everything. “Every time someone asked him “how are you”? He always replied “Super fantastic”. So I copied that too. But for some reason, I couldn’t just say Super fantastic that day. There was nothing particularly fantastic about the day. So why should I?
Dad was not feeling well and it bled me. Things weren’t going as perfect as planned. Somewhere along the line I had even screwed myself. There had to be another answer. Definitely not “fine”. No, not “super fantastic” either.
Someone once said that trouble is always lurking in the corner. Its either you are in trouble, or you are coming out of one. Or you are on your headed to bump into one. It might not be necessarily trouble. It could be a need. Ill health, Money, Relationship matters, Work or whatever. Something is always putting us in constant motion. There is no rest in the world. There is no perfection either. And you know, after all is said and done, you just end up like clay. Somewhere in the midst of soil. Fat white maggots creeping lazily, inch by inch over you. Nibbling at your rotten remains. Gosh I hate to even imagine that. Let’s just skip this part abeg.
When you are disappointed in people, yourself or outcomes, take whatever decision is required at the moment and turn to God for the rest you cant handle. Because God is perfect. He never disappoints. So when we get disappointed in our friends, family or ourselves, we miss the point. This life God has given us is not about perfection. Its about love. Nobody is perfect.
At the other end of the chat. The dude was already growing impatient. The chat was already reading “typing” from his own end. And just then, the answer struck me.
Me ——– life is ongoing .
I felt peace. The waters were cool. It ran into the recess of my conviction. I wasn’t overly optimistic. I wasn’t being the devil pessimist either. I only stated the obvious. Some days are just like that. We are all trying for crying out loud. Including God. No need to get all worked up. It’s cool to not be optimistic all the time. You don’t need to have it all together every time either. It’s ok to just accept the process as ongoing. That way, you can breathe in, let go and stay woke. The chat continued. (Don’t ask me what we discussed afterwards. Winks). I enjoyed the rest of my day.
Image credit: Esther Nwachukwu :[email protected]
Written by Crown Nwachukwu
Crown Nwachukwu is a content writer and the blogger at www.dinspirer.com. she splits her time between her banking job, publishing contents on her blog and seeing romance movies.